Before we even got to the car, I knew I would be on edge and walking on egg shells for the next week. A part of me knew I could outrun her, and I wanted to run to the car and just leave her standing there, but I also knew that I would never hear the end of it, so I marched onward towards our car with her – a beat up black Ford Explorer that was about ten years old at this point. With my being in and out of rehab and trying to wipe a DUI off her record, this beater was all we could afford. Sometimes I wondered how our lives would have played out if my mom was normal. I secretly wished that I could go back in time to where it all went south for her and stop it from happening so I could have a real mom and be a normal teenager.
I sat in the car waiting for my mom with the window down so I could have some air. She stood there on the passenger side, pacing alongside the vehicle puffing on a cigarette and muttering to herself. I couldn't make out what she was saying, but every now and then a swear word would be audible. In that moment, I knew that two things were true about my mother: She was crazy, and she was probably going back to jail for something. I wanted to be anywhere but there with her. Finally, my mom flicked her cigarette down the ramp and got in the car. I just sat there; I was too far into my own thoughts to realize she was finished chain-smoking.
“Are you going to fucking drive or what?” My mother finally asked, staring me down with her brown eyes and bad eyeliner.
She almost looked like a raccoon, since she botched her attempt to cover up her fierce under-eye circles. She could have also just slept in her makeup – it was hard to tell with my mother, but considering she didn't even care to put on a bra for the probation officer, I wouldn't put it past her.
“What?” I responded, confused for a moment.
“Are you going to fucking drive, Adina? I've been sitting here for five minutes, waiting on you to get your head out of your ass and drive me home,” my mother stated.
At this point, she was growing more and more agitated by the second. I put the car in reverse and checked my mirrors and slowly started backing out of the space. For the next 20 minutes, we drove home in silence, which suited me just fine. I had no desire to her. As usual, I took time out of my day to drive her somewhere, and she was ungrateful. We finally pulled in the driveway and I turned the key and withdrew it from the ignition and got out of the car.
“I'm going to do my homework,” I announced.
I would do anything to get away from her right now, especially since it would be at least two hours before my dad got home from work. I ran up the stairs and unlocked the door before she could object or ask me to do something else for her ungrateful ass.
“Good, maybe you'll actually do something productive and bring up your grades,” my mom mumbled, as she stumbled up the staircase behind me that led to the front door. “I doubt it though.”
Even though I couldn't really hear her, I didn't even bother to go back and ask her what she said. There was no point – anything I said to her just clearly agitated her. So I did what any reasonable person would do and I made an effort to simply avoid her. Once I was in the safety of my room, I shut the door and locked it behind me so she couldn't just walk in. Sure, it would get me yelled at, but it was better than her discovering that my dad bought me a secret cell phone so we could text each other to give each other a heads up when things weren't going well on the “mom front.”
“Just got back. She failed her test. They sent her piss to the lab to be tested further,” I quickly texted my dad.
“Damn. Be home soon,” dad texted back.
I hoped this meant he was going to be leaving work early. I put my phone back into the small compartment in my purse and zipped it so that it wasn't easily spotted when I opened my purse. And with that, went and unlocked the door and pulled my backpack out of the closet to grab my Math book – I had to at least make it look like I was trying to get good grades.
Where do you want to see Adina go next? Let me know in the comments.
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